Pavement

solitude, screams deafening

the ghost of empty sound reminiscent of the afterthought of a pull of a finger

while I was still very young and

innocent to what the world can do to twist a person into bits all over the sidewalk

in a place I've been just once or twice

which marred a man who gave me  the blueprint of these eyes, and the hiccups of these hands

but not the memory of drinks blurred to swings or fists

or of overlooked remains to be scooped up

placed by greed and by spite

or left behind from a man maybe marred by the abuse of his father

and the man that fathered him

scattered across that pavement

 

then blue screens bounce off of frames of my father's eyes

chatter, cold, not really there

dad, teach me how to drive

I begged, close the distance

maybe distance could get me there faster

away sooner

to independence from you

then you strung a white flag with hollow threaded fabric made of disengagement and disillusion

it was folded, put away for 7 years

but now hangs down the hallway from me  

heavy and awkward in my home

now just days til that cloth is lost forever to the place where my grandfather's remains left his own fabric of defeat and malice

anger whispers let go

childhood longs for soothing

and closure's proximity is sickening  

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Forward

I have not been as active behind a camera these past few months as I would like and need to be. I have been pushing myself in other areas of my life and making plans for my future-- I have just applied to The University of Texas at Austin's Moody for a bachelors in journalism. I haven't always been passionate about my education. I hated the trapped and suffocating high school years, and when I entered college I just felt discouraged when life events and extracurricular circumstances I couldn't pass up kept interrupting my college experience. I gave up a few times, either by letting my grades plummet or dropping out entirely. 

San Salvador, June 2016.

San Salvador, June 2016.

I do not regret the past five years and how I've spent them venturing into adulthood. I am so grateful that I didn't feel that burn for a formal education, that I didn't leap into a four year university with no clue, plan, or insight into what I really want to offer the world.I've gained lifetimes of experience these past few years, thanks in large part to the support of my friends, family and even strangers of my photographic vision, allowing me to explore and, cliche as it sounds, but really-- find my voice and my vision both through the photographic image and through its impact. 

Given my poor academic track record, I am nervous about my chances of admission, but I am excited regardless. If not this year, then next.

With that excitement, I'm delighted to say that a return trip to San Salvador, El Salvador has been crowdfunded! I plan to return in May, with a graciously offered place to stay as well as transportation. My intention with this trip is to really tie together my images with insight into the home and daily lives of children and their families affected by congenital anomalies and poverty, and how the two factors intertwine. No more ORs, no more hospitals, if I can help it. Just family and their stories. 

  A young girls receives a corrective procedure for her Treacher Collins syndrome. Her X-rays are visible in the overlayed image, showing the severity of her jaw deformation. San Salvador, June 2016.

 

A young girls receives a corrective procedure for her Treacher Collins syndrome. Her X-rays are visible in the overlayed image, showing the severity of her jaw deformation. San Salvador, June 2016.

If you are interested in contributing, the kickstarter campaign still has a few days left. The more funding I receive the more creative I can be in this process.  THE OUTSIDE CHILDREN KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN.